Ghutne Se...on Indus - By Nitya

Jagan asked me for an article for his blog, specifically for the Dil Se series. When Rehan conceived the Dil Se Series, it was intended to recognize all those great guys of our esteemed league who are underrated yet effective. Now, I have been part of Indus right from its very inception, and even then I had to literally scratch my head hard to think about someone in my own team, who qualifies for at least one of the superlatives that Rehan was looking for when he started the series. One need not be an astronaut to grasp the fact that none of us are underrated (we are an overrated bunch of losers) none of us are effective and lastly but more importantly, none of us can even pretend to look like a "great". I realized that it would take me ages to do a 'Dil Se' on any one individual from Indus, so I decided to do a 'Ghutne Se' on the whole team that is Indus.

First of all, a lil bit of history about the team. As the name suggests, Indus is a team of old laggards whose great ancestors formed the Indus valley civilization. For the historically challenged, it is a team comprising of individuals who migrated from the Indian subcontinent all the way to US...India, US...Ind-us, now u get it...Our first year in DCL was way back in the summer of 2001. Our performance was so horrific and so anti-Christ that before the next summer we had to confess our sins in the confession box, where the priest pleaded the Lord to forgive us, for we did not know what we did last summer.
The Lord smiled on us in the summer of 2002 or so it seemed before the 'Hand of God' moment of DCL brought us crashing from the heavenly plateaus of being a DCL finalist to the lowly craters of being just another semi-finalist. Only this time, the 'Hand of God' involved no hand when there should have been one. Vijay and Jagan were witness to this cataclysmic event. We were jumping with joy on our battered limbs when suddenly we heard 'KNAT A KNOW' in typical South-Indian-American accent. Now before all the South Indians jump on me, let me warn you , I am a south Indian myself...South Indian, South Indian...bai bai...wokay...
Even after 7 years, the 'KNAT A KNOW' ki goonj still encircles and occasionally bombards the labyrinth of my ear, just as the 'thappad ki goonj' did to a certain Dr. Dang about 23 years back. It didn't help that the Lord of the goonj embraced me the next time we met and apologized for his goonj. Since then, we have been overwhelmed in 3 Quarter Finals and a Pre-quarterfinal and we are still searching for our moment of truth, that elusive place in the DCL Finals.

Now, allow me to introduce you to the members of the team. I will focus primarily on those who are eligible for the playoffs, Bridges, you are not allowed to read any further...

Azeem - The captain of the ship. He is the gentlest person in the team, Harish from Gladiators (previously an Indie or Indusite) can vouch for that. He is an emotional person and wears his heart, liver and intestine on the sleeve in the playfield. He is very good in pressure cooker situation...probably all the valuable experience in the kitchen during his bachelorhood comes to the fore. The team realizes it and makes sure that he is always under pressure by the time he comes to bat. I have to go gentle on him, otherwise he can make sure that I always bat under pressure and I am not that good in the kitchen, infact I suck big time.

Milind - The very first captain of the team, the team owes its name to him. A good bowler and a very good batsman with very few runs and even fewer wickets to show. Someone from GLCC once mentioned that they were afraid of Milind the bowler. I guess, they used to overestimate his slower ones to be too slower for their own comfort. Last year when I marshaled the team, I ensured that his bowling career suffered the same way as my long time aspiration to become an all-rounder did under his astute captaincy. Then, Masters happened, followed closely by Harsha and the rest as they say is Geography.

Sagar - Very good fielder and the leading bat of the team since the last season. He would have done a pretty good job in the US immigration department, for anything at a couple of feet distance on every side of him has to deal with him first. A good batsman upfront, he is well adept at driving, especially when he is behind the wheels of his new Mazda 3. His best movements are usually in the form of warm-ups before the game when he, in tandem with Milind, does the 'punjirithanji konjikko munthiri muththoli chindhikko' dance routine from the jiya jale song in Dil Se. It has to be seen to be believed.

Nizar - An all-rounder in shape, size and attitude. Not sure, if it is the reputation enhanced by the word of mouth, but when he comes to bat, at least 4 players are exiled to the confines of the boundary. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he has an unusual aversion for anything which is round and covered by seam, as his every swing is intended to send the object crashing out of the park. The purpose behind the method less madness appears to be to put the fear of God or Death in the minds and hearts of the opponent, depending on their inclination. I am not sure about the opponents, but we make sure that we arrive in seamless pants.

Masroor - Once upon a time, one of the opening bowlers of the team along with an extremely capable batsmen possessing rare genre of footwork and handiwork, which cannot be traced anywhere in the coaching manual. Then one fine summer, he went to India, got bowled over and got married, returned with a paunch and since then his bowling lost some of its zip. If he gets going, he is quite capable of sending the ball to every nook and corner of the ground. Imagine setting a field to a batsman when the batman himself does not know where he is going to hit the ball.

Madhu - The one with the long arm, long legs and an even longer name. Uses his height to great effect to extract bounce with his sharp turning off spinners. The only problem is that we practically field with 9 players in the over prior to Madhu's over. Because of his long name, it takes Azeem about an over to let Madhu know that he will be bowling next.

Anand - Anand along with Nityanand makes Indus a "happy" place to be in. A steady batsman and a capable bowler. Sometimes he is so steady that the scoreboard appears to be steady. Likes to earn his wickets and dislikes taking more than 3 wickets.

Jestine - The workhorse of the team, a devastating bowler on his day. He thinks of himself to be a better batsman that what his captain thinks about his batting abilities. He always has his hopes high on being 'just in' to bat, but the captain sends all his hopes crashing by handing him the score sheet at the start of the innings. Sometimes, he tends to be very hard on himself as every seemingly mistake on his part is accompanied by an earth shattering 'shaaaaaaaaaaaaa'.

Pramod - Shetty bhai...An 'open' person to be around and an 'open' batsman, the one who never 'opens' the batting. Only the Indus members and some of the Cougars ( if they happened to pay any attention to our nonsensical ramblings ) know about his 'open'ness. Possessesing all the strokes in his repertoire and a lovely batsman to watch, but only in the nets, coz he hardly seems to score any runs in the matches.

Raj - carried the burden of the team in the whole of Pool Y and took the team to the playoffs almost single-handedly. Since this is his first year with the team, we made sure that he felt comfortable and at home by allowing him to do what he has been doing all these years with Thunderbolts - waging a lone battle. In case anyone is wondering about the mystery behind all the goody goody stuff written about him, well there is a reason behind it, there always is...I cant risk being on the wrong side of him as he is quite capable of forming his own team or to be precise, reviving the 'Thunderbolts'.

Akshat - The baby in a team full of oldies and hence always bullied around by everyone. He always seems to be on some mystery diet, though the effectiveness and the efficiency of the diet is transparent to everyone but himself. He is a bundle of energy with his child like enthusiasm, takes lots of wickets with his fastish shooting offspinners. He can bat pretty well and tends to show a great deal of footwork, the only thing being, his feet are sometimes at the right place at the wrong time and many other times, at the wrong place at the right time.

Akhtar - Has all the strokes in the book and plays them with a lazy elegance much to the chagrin of his own teammates. He is unlucky that the playing rules allow only 11 players to play the game. He is a mind reader in the sense that he reads the opposition very well and plays according to the situation which usually tends to benefit the opposition.

Nitya - Egomaniacal and narcissistic...thinks highly of himself as a batsman, but rarely ever delivers the goods...which led Azeem to take over the responsibility of gatorade and water on himself. Did a good job of pretending to be a good fielder before he broke his back doing absolutely nothing. There are rumours in the team that he might be jacking up his scores while entering them on the website. Even then, he rarely manages to reach double figures. He successfully managed to fool the DCL Committee, which awarded him the decent player of the league and handed him a bottle of champagne as a reward for his pretension. Now, who awards liqour to a decent person, well, come to think of it, gotta give credit to the committee, for only a decent person can manage to keep liquor as a memento...hmmmmmmmm....you wish....

Everything that starts, ends up ending somewhere. For now, this article seems to be heading towards its end. Lekin Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost....Before concluding, let me tell you that even though this writeup was intended to insult and humiliate anyone and everyone, please dont take it to heart, as this didnt come straight from the heart, it came straight ghutne se......